How to know that you have forgiven someone?

Sous-titres

WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.001 --> 00:00:04.695
How can you be sure that you
have actually forgiven someone?

2
00:00:04.720 --> 00:00:08.179
Just using the words
"I forgive you" doesn't mean

3
00:00:08.204 --> 00:00:11.002
you've necessarily
forgiven because remember

4
00:00:11.027 --> 00:00:13.863
forgiveness is what we call
heart work.

5
00:00:13.888 --> 00:00:15.608
It comes from the heart.

6
00:00:15.633 --> 00:00:20.921
And so it's a softening of the
heart in compassion and empathy

7
00:00:20.946 --> 00:00:22.318
toward the one who has hurt us.

8
00:00:22.343 --> 00:00:26.671
So if I say I forgive you,
I might just be in such shock

9
00:00:26.696 --> 00:00:30.575
about what happened
that I think I've forgiven.

10
00:00:30.600 --> 00:00:34.280
But give me another month
and I'm fuming with anger again.

11
00:00:34.305 --> 00:00:39.002
So proclaiming it is certainly good
because your intentions are right

12
00:00:39.001 --> 00:00:42.726
but it doesn't mean you
necessarily have forgiven another.

13
00:00:42.751 --> 00:00:47.186
When you begin to feel your heart
softening a little to the other,

14
00:00:47.211 --> 00:00:51.131
when you begin wishing
them well even a little bit

15
00:00:51.156 --> 00:00:53.860
where you hope that they
don't slip on the ice

16
00:00:53.885 --> 00:00:55.611
and hurt themselves today,

17
00:00:55.636 --> 00:00:59.939
you hope that they're doing
all right in their work today,

18
00:00:59.964 --> 00:01:02.275
even if you can't reconcile
with them,

19
00:01:02.300 --> 00:01:04.119
that's the beginning of forgiveness.

20
00:01:04.144 --> 00:01:07.525
That when you begin to wish
another person well

21
00:01:07.550 --> 00:01:10.181
you are on your way to forgiving.

22
00:01:10.206 --> 00:01:15.266
When you see that you're not
ruminating on what happened,

23
00:01:15.291 --> 00:01:18.447
we're not thinking all the time
about what happened,

24
00:01:18.472 --> 00:01:20.298
when you think about the other

25
00:01:20.323 --> 00:01:23.150
and the pain does not wash
over you,

26
00:01:23.175 --> 00:01:27.040
that's when you truly have
forgiven. When you begin to sense

27
00:01:27.065 --> 00:01:29.665
that that virtue of respect is there,

28
00:01:29.690 --> 00:01:32.369
that you can meet them
at the party and be civil,

29
00:01:32.394 --> 00:01:34.579
you can treat them
as a human being,

30
00:01:34.604 --> 00:01:36.759
you are on your way to forgiving.

31
00:01:36.784 --> 00:01:41.078
And when you truly and this is
the heroic endpoint of forgiving

32
00:01:41.103 --> 00:01:46.160
that not everybody reaches when
you are truly out for their welfare

33
00:01:46.185 --> 00:01:49.587
and you're willing to go
the extra mile with them,

34
00:01:49.612 --> 00:01:52.212
you're willing to help them
in your pain,

35
00:01:52.237 --> 00:01:54.954
you're willing to help them
in their betrayal,

36
00:01:54.979 --> 00:01:57.751
you know you have deeply forgiven.

37
00:01:57.776 --> 00:02:03.259
So forgiveness in its beginnings is
a little bit of softening of your heart.

38
00:02:03.284 --> 00:02:05.939
It's wishing them well a little bit

39
00:02:05.971 --> 00:02:09.706
and the deeper side of forgiveness
as you respect them as a person

40
00:02:09.731 --> 00:02:11.566
not because of what they've done

41
00:02:11.566 --> 00:02:14.014
but even in spite of what
they've done.

42
00:02:14.039 --> 00:02:17.640
And then you are concerned
for their welfare as a person.

43
00:02:17.665 --> 00:02:21.375
Then you know you have
matured in your forgiveness.